Lets talk anger management!

Even the most patient of us can get angry at times. It all depends how big our tolerance reservoir is. See many negative states like stress, anger and frustration are caused by having too much energy in the body, either mentally, spiritually or physically. So in this article I will be teaching you how to manage your anger, and my methods for MANAGING not avoiding anger.

You cannot avoid every problem or challenge in life, problems come and problems go but you’ll never be rid of them forever. This is like anger, this is a state you can not avoid in life. It happens to all of us, some more than others. Why do so many of us handle anger differently? Because we have different rules.

You can control your anger, and its important to manage it. If not then you are vulnerable to hurting those around you that you love, missing out on opportunities, or inevitably missing out on life in general because you are focused so much more on a negative and destructive emotion than positive ones like love, fun, joy.

1. Denial is not just a river in Egypt =)

Are you renown to be an angry person? Do people say you have a bad temper? If so, admit it. You can’t fix an issue unless you know its already there. As they say the truth will set you free, so if you want to be free of the green eye monster, realize that it exists and there are ways to manage it.

2. Body language controls your emotions.

As I’ve learnt from Anthony Robbins, emotions have a set of criteria and most importantly body language is one of the major drivers of emotion. If I asked you to describe to me the body language of an angry person what would you say? I bet it would be tenseness, clenched fists – possibly waving up in the air, clenched teeth, furrowed brows or wide opened eyes, or glaring eyes, big powerful stance, flaring of muscles? We all know because we’ve all been angry at one time or another. So if you ever catch yourself with a temper, notice your body language. And if you notice it follows the typical patterns immediately change it to something not associated with anger, such as happiness or even just neutral.

3. Practice makes perfect, anger is just a very well conditioned habit, its a choice.

This is a fantastic technique I learnt at an Anthony Robbins seminar, its about triggering and NLP. How about trying this. Stand in front of a mirror, now think of an angry thought. Focus on the feeling, focus on something that makes you angry, now perform the body language which I’m sure you already know.

Now in an instant change your body language. Put a cheesy ear to ear grin on your face, jump up and down and act goofy, even talk in a goofy voice and enjoy the process. Now repeat. Get back into an angry state for a few seconds, then instantly snap back into a fun, goofy state. I’m sure you know how to do this because we were all experts at being goofy and funny when we were kids. What’s the point of this? This is to help you trigger different emotional states as soon as you notice your anger taking control of you. The point is to notice and be aware as soon as possible. It is much easier to stop a car that’s just moved 1 inch, than it is to stop a car traveling at 100km’s per hour. How much easier would life be if you could laugh every time you got angry?

4. Realize what language you are using.

Language controls everything! (Yet another AR lesson). The language you use will change the way you feel. Why because we associate different emotions to different languages. If you are using intense overwhelming language, guess what? You’re going to be triggered to feel angry a lot easier. If you use language like “I’m so pissed off”, “I’m so f…. angry”, “I’m infuriated!”. Guess what, it’s like pushing that red button that says “Self Destruct”. So next time you feel angry and out of control change your language to something less intensive. Use something like “I’m kind of annoyed”, “I’m a little peeved” or “I’m irritated”  or “I’m somewhat mad” followed by a smile. Language will change your states, try it!

5. Its all about your rules and perspective.

People trigger anger emotions. I’m sure that you have different tolerance levels for different people. Some people make you more angry than others and some people no matter how bad they treat you, they might never make you angry. Lets look at the manic angry person. Someone who gets angry at their children, spouse, and generally everyone around them. What are they likely to do?

One, perhaps they will deny they have anger management issues and two, they will say its out of their control so there’s no point in trying to control it, that people around him/her just have to deal with it. Lets say this same person is having a really bad day, is on the verge of blowing up, he gets pulled over by a police man who catches them from speeding. Do you really think that same person is going to use the same language patterns, body language, and authoritative stance they would use with their family and friends? Very highly unlikely because the ultimate consequence of fear (being locked up in jail, losing their driver’s license, getting beat up) overpowers the dominant anger emotion.

So change your rules about how you react to different people especially your loved ones. Create new consequences for unleashing your anger in a negative or unproductive way. eg. “If I shout at my kids and spouse and abuse them, I will have to deal with the long term pain of being alone forever”. If you get used to this habit you will find you will start conditioning your mind to react differently.

6. Release your anger productively, reset your tolerance levels.

I love exercising! If I am feeling stressed, angry, frustrated I will usually hit the gym straight away. I will go for a long and exhausting run, or I will lift an incredibly heavy weight, like 500kg leg presses =D. Anger is a build of up intense energy so why not use it productively to create a healthy body instead of releasing it unhealthily at your loved ones.

I notice that if I’m feeling angry/frustrated I will usually be able to lift significantly more than if I’m exercising in a state that’s sad or depressed (lack of energy). So for this reason I love going to the gym when I’m angry and attempting to break a new person record. Why is this productive, because it immediately makes me feel great! I’m am doing two things, releasing my anger and resetting my tolerance levels and also conditioning my body to convert an anger emotion to a happy emotion or even neutral or tired emotion at worst.

7. Change your identity, change your peers, change your habits.

Being angry is just a learned habit. Perhaps you learned it from your parents, your peers, family or friends. If you are known to be a person who is naturally bad tempered then you have just fixed your identity. Try changing it. If you pick a new persona, or identity that does not have anger as a dominant emotion you will learn to change your habits. eg. Go from angry man to passionate lover or angry woman to competitive athlete and etc.

Also go associate yourself with more positive people. We tend to pick up the habits of those we hang around with. If you hang around angry people you are going to pick up their body language, verbal speech patterns, values and so on (anger recipe). Change your habits and you will open a new gate to mastering and managing your anger.

Learn more about Anger Management now
subscribe to “Free Anger Management Series” below:
http://www.kasecheah.com/9nd

Well I hope that helps!!!

To your success,
Luv to all, Kase
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